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When I was 9, I saw a movie where one of the characters was gay and had a horrible life. The next morning I told my mom that I thought I might be gay. What I remember happening next, while probably not 100 percent accurate, is this: She started crying, hugging me, and kept me home from school that day. She asked me if I had been molested (I hadn’t been). I saw a therapist who asked questions like “Why do you think you’re gay” and “Do you feel uncomfortable in the gym locker room?” The therapist also asked me to look at some pictures, and I refused, terrified to do so in case my reaction to them proved if I was gay or not. These appointments ended abruptly after a few visits.

So life continued, things got better and this whole theme started to fade and merge with typical teenage stuff. My 14th birthday came and went uneventfully; by this time I was already dating boys.

I’ve often heard that if you are gay, you know at an early age. But at 9 years old, how can you know such a thing? I was always really affected by TV and movies — I once thought my parents might give me away because it happened to a girl on TV. How do I know it wasn’t just the movie that put the idea in my head? Or what if my mom, or anyone at all, had just said, well if you are a lesbian it’s fine, it’s no big deal? I’m worried that even if I were gay, I would never accept it because for me it’s always been equated with misery.

My boyfriend and I recently split and I’ve never been with a woman. With some exceptions, I’m mostly attracted to men and enjoy sex, but enjoy it a lot more if I imagine being degraded or devalued. That fact alone is disturbing, and I’m not sure if it’s connected to the whole gay thing or something else entirely.

I do wonder if the OCD, problems in romantic relationships, and general anxiety stem from the experiences I had when I was 9. However, I don’t fancy spending years in therapy delving into past events and looking for answers to why things are how they are now. I have a strong aversion to therapy and am egoistic enough to think that it won’t help me. I also fear that therapy would open up a Pandora’s box of disaster. How could magnifying a problem and analyzing it to the death improve anything? At the same time, I would love to find a way to be in a happy relationship and wake up without lists in my head.

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3-10-2007  · 'How I found my 13 - year-old daughter having sex with her lesbian tennis coach' By JAMES TOZER. Last updated at 23:48 03 October 2007

Just found out my 13 year old girl is Bi and dating a 17 year old girl in an “ open” relationship. Huh? Now what ? ... 17 is way too old for a 13 year old to be ...

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23-8-2014  · Ingevoegde video  · I'm a 13 year old lesbian and I'm pretty happy with my life :) For support email me: teenagelesbianconfessions@gmail.com

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